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We've been friends for over two decades, who has overcome several hardships, and I respect her for that. However, she has been often blindsided by others. Her husband left her, and it was a massive blow. Many of close acquaintances vanished then, because they seemed focused solely on the spouse. It shocked her deeply. She made more effort to be my friend, probably realised better the meaning of companionship.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, several in her circle have disappeared and she isn't certain of the reason. The company she worked for became hostile, although she had been an excellent employee, she departed without knowing the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

In recent times, both of us left the workforce leading to more each other more, yet I realize the part I play between us feels one-sided. I open topics of conversation only for her to redirect the talk toward what interests her. In terms of politics, she has unyielding views. My effort is to propose double-checking information or other angles.

She is organizing a holiday abroad I have traveled to repeatedly and lived in for some time. I tried to offer personal experiences, however, my input met with resistance. She purely solely sought me to confirm her plans. I recently returned from four weeks in that place and she wants to catch up, yet I'm reluctant.

Weighing the Options

I don't want to act as a friend who cuts and runs abruptly, yet I doubt she'll truly grasp the effect of how she acts on my confidence. Right now, I find myself in avoidance mode. What should I do?

Possible Paths

One option is to end things abruptly, however, that approach is seldom a smooth outcome we hope for. However, addressing it with a view to working things out takes courage and readiness from both people.

Therapists recommend trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially involves describing what typically happens when you talk. This needs to be objective and clear and essentially exactly what occurs. Step two is to express her how it makes you feel. There should be no argument on this point. What you feel are valid, naturally. The third step involves requesting how the two of you can shift the interaction of your friendship."

Remember she too has her own side, thus requiring you to remain ready to listen to her. An approach that works is telling your friend:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to remain silent for 30 minutes."

This can be impactful for promoting better communication.

Closing Considerations

Your friend may dismiss everything, since certain individuals have a “survival narrative”: they rely on a story regarding their experiences they cannot release as it feels essential relies on it and it represents they've known. This is difficult when there seems no thoroughfare with these people, mere obstacles. Yet she could initially present this way before reflecting on your words. And should a resolution isn't found an agreement, it provides satisfaction from having been truthful.